Managing Angry Thoughts

Cognitive Restructuring for Anger

Rather than feel like we’re controlled by our thoughts, we can actually be in control of them.

We gain a sense of control over our lives when we learn to manage our thoughts better

Anger often arises from unrealistic expectations about how things ‘should be’ or how people ‘should’ treat us. These types of thoughts, along with deep-seated self-doubts or self-criticism, can also fuel our anger (often resulting from societal expectations related to ‘being a man’ as discussed in Part 2. Recognizing and Understanding Your Anger).

One way of confronting these types of thought patterns and long-term beliefs is through cognitive restructuring. Cognitive restructuring helps break these patterns by fostering a more objective perspective, redirecting anger into personal growth.

This can be done in a more formal (setting aside time to journal) or informal way (self-reflection during a walk), noting that it should be done outside of moments of high anger.

We have an entire course on cognitive restructuring, but we’ll provide a brief overview here to get you started.

PUTTING IT INTO PRACTICE

Start by setting aside 10 to 15 minutes.

  1. Think back on any recent situations that triggered your anger
  2. List the thoughts you had when your anger was triggered
  3. Identify negative thinking patterns

    We covered some negative thinking patterns in Part 2, including:

    • All-or-Nothing Thinking
    • Blaming
    • ‘Should and Must’ Statements
    • Jumping to Conclusions
    • Emotional Reasoning

    Are there any patterns in the thoughts you listed above? For a more extensive list and examples, see our 16 Common Negative Thinking Patterns.

  4. Challenge the distorted thoughts/beliefs:
    • Are there any assumptions or expectations that are contributing to my anger?
    • Am I basing my thoughts/beliefs on facts or feelings?
    • What evidence do I have to support my thought/belief?

    Angry thoughts often don’t hold up to scrutiny. Useful questions to ask ourselves about our thoughts include:

  5. Replace the distorted thought/beliefs:

    Replace the thoughts you originally listed with objective ones that more realistically reflect the situation.

Here are some examples:

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